


when my time comes around

by evenstar9



Series: no grave can hold my body down [2]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fix-It, Han is a Dad, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by a Hozier Song, Light Angst, Redeemed Ben Solo, Song: Work Song (Hozier), and he's actually pretty good at it sometimes, continuing the hozier inspo, honestly someone needs to thank hozier for his kind donation of fic titles
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-18
Updated: 2020-01-18
Packaged: 2021-02-27 14:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,571
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22308334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/evenstar9/pseuds/evenstar9
Summary: in which ben's debts are forgiven.continuing from "I didn't care much how long I lived," the scenes on exegol.
Relationships: Ben Solo & Han Solo, Rey/Ben Solo | Kylo Ren
Series: no grave can hold my body down [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1605730
Comments: 2
Kudos: 19





	when my time comes around

**Author's Note:**

> When my time comes around  
> Lay me gently in the cold dark earth  
> -work song, hozier

Rey was the lucky one. She had all the Jedi behind her when she stood in the throne room. Ben only had one ghost – though to be fair, that one spirit was more than enough to compensate for the entire Jedi Order on his own. Ben’s mother and uncle were busy speaking words of encouragement to the Jedi girl above, so he supposed it made sense for the last member of their trio to be the one who came to him now. He lay sprawled at the bottom of the chasm, laboring to bring air into his lungs once more. He closed his eyes with a forced huff. No one told him that turning the Light side would involve this much _pain_.

The expected dry voice came from somewhere above him.

“Get up, kiddo,” it said, transporting him to all the lazy mornings of his teenage years when he didn’t want to get out of bed and his parents had other ideas. “Whatever fancy lights show is going on up there isn’t an excuse for you to just lie here on your own. She needs you.”

“Dad,” he grunted, hoisting himself up one elbow, “now really isn’t the time.”

Han backed up from his place leaning over his fallen son, arms raised as if to stave off Ben’s annoyance. “Okay, okay, I’ll shut up. I just figured I ought to even the dead playing field a bit, you know. I’m no Jedi, and I may be dead, but I’ve still got it.” The ghost perched calmly on a sharp boulder that would have been less comfortable if he was still alive, with a corporeal backside. (How his father must be enjoying the afterlife, Ben thought, now that he isn’t limited by any logical boundaries.) The smuggler watched with feigned disinterest as Ben pushed himself to his knees, but Ben could see the veiled worry in his father’s gaze that must have always been there. If only he’d looked for it sooner.

Ben winced as he swayed to his feet, and he told himself it was from pain and not guilt. “Thanks for that,” he muttered, and surveyed the cliff above him. There seemed to be enough inlets in the rock that he’d be able to use them as leverage if he wanted to climb.

The ghost didn’t stop staring at his son. “Geez, Ben, you’re not doing so well.” Ben looked to see Han’s eyes wide with concern as he scanned over the younger man’s injuries. As if to prove his father’s point, he moved to take a step forward and stumbled, grasping onto the rocks. He stayed still for a moment, taking a deep breath. When the vertigo faded, he shakily met his dad’s gaze again.

“I’ll… be fine,” he answered, looking for his first handhold. He’d need to put the pain aside for the moment and concentrate on keeping his balance. It was a long way up.

Han looked appraisingly at him. “You’ve got it bad, huh? Eh, I don’t blame you. She’s a good one. Reminds me of your mother.”

Ben rounded on him, only grabbing onto the stone in time to save himself from landing face first in the dust. “I’d thank you not to compare someone you think I have feelings for to my _mother_.”

His father waved a nonchalant hand with the edge of a grin. “Just go get your girl, son.”

Ben rolled his eyes, a satisfyingly petty act of defiance, and started the long climb. The air behind him remained abnormally quiet, and when he chanced a look over his shoulder, Han was gone again.

\---

As it turned out, the lights show was well over by the time he made it up. When he caught sight of Rey, his brain clicked into autopilot. He barely noticed the pain in his leg as he dropped into a limping rush towards her. He gathered her into his arms, marveling at how light she was when she was the most solid and important thing in his life. His dad was a ghost, his mom had followed after him, but Rey – she had been real, and alive, and she’d given some of that alive-ness to him. He glanced around him for a moment, half expecting to see Han again, but he was alone. Maybe his father had some sense of boundaries after all. After confirming that they were the only ones still living in the desolate chamber, he let go of any last doubts he had. There was only one path forward, and only one of them would live to walk on it.

He allowed himself a brief moment to hold her, to wrap her slim form in his unwieldy arms that had never been built for holding something so precious. He would never have been able to love her properly, anyway. Better that he used his body to revive hers, and then left it behind for good. After his father’s words to him, he hoped he’d have a place with his family, at least. Maybe it was too much to hope for, but he’d always been a dreamer.

He cradled her neck and leaned her back, placing a hand as gently as he could over her side – the mirror of her own healing touch on him. He closed his eyes and let go. The breaths came easier now, and he felt his heart slow as he poured every drop of life he had into Rey’s fragile being. As he felt the last of his energy leave him, the trace of her in the Force sputtered to life again, and he relaxed.

The kiss, he had to admit, was a surprise. She said his name with more joy than he’d ever heard, and when she pressed her lips to his he could only be thankful that his fade into blackness was so gentle. He’d never thought that death would come to him as an embrace. He’d always expected violence, pain, the burn of a blade before he fell, and Rey had now saved him from that death not once, but twice.

When his vision faded, he expected some welcoming words from his parents. Probably chiding, possibly affectionate. Maybe a “you’re just like your father,” from Leia’s longsuffering spirit. Maybe even Uncle Luke, calling him ‘kid’ again if he was proud. (Ben selfishly hoped he was.) He did not, at all, expect the sigh of intense frustration that reached his ears.

It was Han, because of course it was. Couldn’t they at least take shifts?

“If you don’t take another kriffing breath, Ben, I’ll kill you again.”

When Ben managed an answer, he didn’t quite think he was speaking aloud. He felt halfway alive, if that were possible. Han’s ghost looked a bit more translucent than usual, and the world seemed as if he was viewing it from the other side of a veil.

“If I’m on my way to join you, that seems counter-productive,” he answered. Han scowled.

“You’re not on your way to join us,” he answered with annoyance, and Ben’s eyes widened. He must have some physical form still, then. He seemed to be lying where he’d fallen, Rey’s blurry silhouette above him.

“Am I not welcome?” Fear crept into his voice unbidden. “I suppose that makes sense, after all I did, but I had let myself hope-“

“Yet! You’re not on your way _yet_. Or you won’t be, if I have anything to do with it. Which I do, since I’m standing here. Kriff, now I’m rambling. See what you’re doing to me, kid?”

Ben noticed that his dad swore a lot more in the afterlife than he did in Ben’s memories. Or maybe he had just controlled himself around his son – that would have been Leia’s doing.

“Hey, stay with me. Don’t drift,” Han instructed, and Ben yanked himself back to whatever reality he was in. “Good. Now, just take a breath. You have to choose to go back to her. Cut all the self-righteous crap about sacrificing yourself for her and not being able to love her.” At Ben’s look, he gave a knowing grin. “Yeah, I heard that. And I was appalled at how much you sound like your old man. I had to learn to go back, and so do you.”

“You weren’t dead,” Ben argued dumbly. This whole situation was confusing, and if he was being honest, he just wanted to go to sleep.

“No, and neither are you, yet. I said my son was alive. Let an old man be right about something.”

Ben smiled softly, an expression still so foreign to feel. He could get used to these arguments.

“I’d hate to disappoint you, Dad. Force knows I haven’t done enough of that already.” He tried to keep his tone light, but his words turned bitter at the end.

“Kylo Ren disappointed me,” his father answered, and Ben didn’t feel like arguing that they were the same person. It didn’t seem to matter anymore. “You know what you have to do,” Han continued, an insolent grin on his face. “And you do have the strength to do it.”

“Help me?” Ben asked in an embarrassingly soft voice.

His dad nodded, and reached a hand down. Ben lifted his own to grasp it, and found it strangely solid. He sucked in a breath, almost surprised to find he could do so, and pulled himself back into the Light.


End file.
